DAY 1: STATIC
I haven’t had a sexual fantasy today. Which can’t be healthy…
I’m gonna watch the bluebirds flyyy… ovah mah shouldah
Who else in here is having a sexual fantasy? Maybe if I can find them out…
What do you think I’d seeeee?
If aliens bombed the White House, would the retreat directors tell us?
If I could…
I knew the Velvet Underground was a mistake this morning.
Walk a-wa-y from me…?
DAY 2: DOUBTING THE METHOD, RATIONALIZATION, MIND-GAMES
Isn’t this being the witness thing a little jayvee? Why cultivate dualism?
I’m not sure about yesterday’s sublimation of sexual energy strategy. Isn’t that more for the Vajrayana set? And Kornfield did give that lecture about not mixing methods….
If a sexual fantasy spontaneously arises in my field of awareness, isn’t meditating on it a form of Vipassana?
How many days until my awareness goes transpersonal? Maybe I can work some telepathy.
If the TM people think they can meditate together to bring world peace, could we raise the vibrational energy for regime change?
This is all so dualistic. It’s wallowing. I want realization. Screw practice. This just reinforces smallmind. What’s the sutra? With swift effort become wise… And that Kornfield line: “It’s not that we’re too greedy… It’s that we’re not greedy enough.”
This is boring. If my brainwaves don’t drop down tomorrow, I’m done. Why don’t they teach us lucid dreaming or something halfway interesting as long as we’re going to sit here all week?
What am I doing on the slow train? Maybe the diamond vehicle…. Maybe zen…
DAY 3: OBSESSION WITH IMMEDIATE ENVIRONMENT
But the slow train is scenic! I’d forgotten. God this is good.
…And lunch will be even better…
Whose shoes are those?
Was that 30 minutes of dead air? Existence is beautiful. Emptiness is beautiful.
Are there really not any sexy people? Really?
They have heirloom tomatoes down in the kitchen. Tomatoes…
How many hours until asana practice? Maybe I will start earlier tomorrow. Sun salutations…. Ekam inhale… Dwe exhale…. Shit. The instructor just took the look on my face for a sexual fantasy…
Ok, I’m wasting time. I don’t have all millennium here. Let it go, let it go already….
That dead spot in my trapezius hasn’t gotten any smaller since last year.
Ekam…. Dwe…. Ekam… Dwe… Sat… Nam… Sat… Nam… that’s more like it already… Nam…
I think I have to go to the bathroom, but that might be more drama than I can handle.
I feel happy. Happy happy happy. Pardon me while I exploit his emotion. Get lost, witness.
If I’m going to reset my alarm before bed, I better rehearse that a few times in my head first. It’ll be the big event of the night… I’m already looking forward to it.