Zee · 10 January 2008

I called you and you answered, beloved. Now don’t be a jackass about this.

You tell me no drinking practice. It is too dangerous for me. I have too much chemical history and too much delusion. I become identified with desire and forget who I am.

But desire is good for me! I desire to practice! I desire to find an edge where something is revealed. And maybe someday, to understand something. (It is true that now I understand nothing, and all my analysis just deludes me more.) 

Five years I have refrained from drinking, Zee. FIVE YEARS. I had no desire during these years. If the desire is the touchstone of the practice you describe—letting it arise and then simply sitting there and observing it (but not indulging it)—I actually have to drink to awaken the desire and keep desire active.

It is like sugar craving. If you stop eating sugar for 40 days, the first week is agony and then the desire fades. Afterwards, sugar-refraining practice is no longer practice. It is simply habit. There is no practice anymore.

But danger is good, Zee. I am strong enough for dangerous practice now. It makes me wake. Do not worry: I am not identified with danger. I conduct a quiet risk-free existence of physical exercise and mental exertion and meditation and organic food and plentiful rest and abundant sunshine and affectionate relationship. Boing. Danger is not my game—not usually.

In fact, my usual game is refraining. Austerity is too easy for me. The world feels heavy and I want to fly away from it (doing third series especially, you want to fly away if you are not careful). So I should do being-in-the-world-practice. Not refraining-practice. Isn’t it true?

Don’t pull a Maharajii on me Zee, like when you told my friend Ram Dass to “be completely honest” but also “love everybody” at the same time. It is too much, oh Thousand-armed One, Master of the Universe, oh Krishna. I will not grow this way.

I am lucky. I have craving in my veins. I can use this. My suffering is greater than if I had no craving, and the agony will drive me deeper and finally (some day) shake me into consciousness. Can it be?

In the end, what is the difference between being a "connoisseur of the breath," a connoisseur of the moola bandha, or a connoisseur of buzz? Do you not teach that it is all the same?

If not drinking practice, then what will be the method of my being-in-the-world practice?

Posted by (0v0)        
Categories: astanga yoga , esoteric shit , evolution , having a body , integration , morality , power of suggestion , self-deception , spirituality

Comment

1. would you forgive me if I got all Patanjali on this topic? I’ve been working on pada 2 a lot recently.

   Let us assume that the root cause of suffering is indeed ignorance of our true nature – believing that we are our body/mind rather than our soul. P’s remedy for this problem is entering samadhi and burning out the samskaras that create our habits that fuel our repetitous actions that color how we view the world.

   However, a necessary pre-condition is to address the symptoms of suffering which call to us as vrittis. P recommends meditation as the means to overcome the symptoms of suffering.

   So, if the desire to lose oneself is the root and drinking is the methodology, the question becomes can one sever the relationship? as in, can one drink without giving into the desire to lose oneself?

   P qualifies a practice as requiring commitment, self-study and devotion to God (or the ideal God represents, if that’s your preference).

   So can drinking be a practice? I guess it depends on whether the intention of the practice is to sever the relationship between drinking and losing oneself or to use the drinking as an avenue for self-study.

   But I’d guess that P would probably prefer that you meditate on the craving.

   Does that make sense?

   Posted by: cody · Jan 11, 08:40 AM · #

2. Zee, the puppet answers your call, my beloved, I am in your service… for every need, circumstance and price budget.. and all for the festival of fools that will attract thousands of visitors to your site. ;)

   You have correctly translated what I’ve told you. “Happiness have embraced my heart” knowing that you recognized Mahariji’s ideas. .. but OK, no more of those.

   Basically you are telling me that you are a good girl but you want to be a bad girl, so that you could see the badness in order to “to find an edge where something is revealed”. Such a strange way of thinking??? My beloved, until you think that veins are yours, the cravings will not help you.

   There is no “method of my being-in-the-world” practice, you are already in the world. Nothing needs to be changed except some ideas you have about yourself.

   First, listen the truth. You are perfect, complete, immortal, al pervading, without form or name…You are neither body, nor mind, nor the cravings. There is no world, it just appears to be there because you have never challenged the idea of world existence. Etc… etc..

   Second, verify the truth by your own investigation. Take one book, one teaching, whatever you like. Stick with it, study it like you studied for university exams. Know concepts and ideas inside out, repeat them million of times, why it is said what is said… You will not change your real being, it is only intellect that needs to change the point of view, so the study is needed.

   You already know the truth, but you missed verification. You have to understand that every spiritual book speaking about YOU. So stop pretending, stop just reading. Every book is talking to you about you. Study, do not just read.

   Yoga is an excellent tool to get your intellect closer to right understanding by purification, keeping healthy body etc… And, that’s a lot, but not enough. The end of yoga asana comes when you recognize your real inclinations. You are at that point now. Are you inclined to devotion (do you respect Guruji feeling pure love towards him?) or are you inclined more toward Knowledge (feeling raising interest in sutras, teachings etc..). Once you recognise this, your Self will send you right teacher for next phase. You are never alone. (Hahahha I sound like a New Age Guru,.. sorry it is not my intention, but it is true, you are never alone..)

   I follow the path of Knowledge. So I do not care about moola bandas (although there is constant struggle to keep the bandhas engaged in my yoga practice) I know, I heard about prana and apana and chackras etc.. but I do not believe in that. End of story.

   About “breath”… The breath (or breathing) is the thing most responsible for the identification of our real nature with the physical body. Yes, it is Life-Force but it is also Sleeping-Force (kundabuffer in Gurdjieff teachings). It is the mind (intellect) that got confused and consequently identified with wrong view of truth. Pranayama is nothing but attempt to dis-identify breathing with the physical body. Again, I do not follow such practices so I can not tell you about it.

   The magic of illusion *maya” is really magnificent. On your birth you got your vehicle (a tool, a telescope) better known as your body, but what is really born? On you, as perfect being, body appears. The body brings “I AM” sense ( I-principle or I-thought or OM sound or Consciousness etc).. those are mere words. What you got by being born is existence. But, the existence is not your existence, but it is existence as such. Every existence is universal existence. On your birth, the existence got a new tool to see itself.

   Existence is like air. There is no my air, your air… there is just air. (The space is even better example of our true nature). But what your intellect has done? Your mind has identified your Existence as such (the free ever flowing air) with your physical body (with that small inhale-exhale air) and society stamp it with name, country, nation, language, you upgraded it to BSc., MSc, Phd, in mean time you got a lot of habits, discussing worldly things… living in the world, with constant fear.. fear of body sickens, money loss, fear about your status, house, car, yoga practice etc.. etc..

   Do you see… you have failed? Fallen angel. Very true.

   Posted by: Zee · Jan 11, 10:02 AM · #

3. CP, that makes sense. Thanks for explaining. But that feels sort of like religion and what I’m asking for here is more like transcendence.

   Why do religion when you can do transcendence?

   Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 11, 02:32 PM · #

4. It is true that the watchers are fascinated by you, Zee; and they have been waiting all day for your appearance on the stage. But I do not have a stat counter. I do not know the true number of your followers.

   Why did Maharajii (or you) decide to come back to experience the collapse of the iron curtain, “shock therapy,” immigration to the land of badly-spoken French, and a stellar career in hedge funds? Did you do it just so you could witness yoga at its most adulterated, broken down and misunderstood by the western mind, and repackaged as body cosmetics? I thought you were above martyrdom of this sort?

   To answer your question, I am like your old student Ram Dass. Maybe I am a research academic in the ivory tower, but in my feeling knowledge is really just a human-made little construction. Knowledge is not transcendent (for me) and so my deeper path is devotion. But you already know that, my beloved.

   Yet you say I must study? You say cravings will not help me and I must study a book, any book. Should I choose a book that resonates with me—one that feels true—or one that feels untrue? I am too young to transcend ideas of true and untrue right at the beginning. So which book should I choose?

   Here are some ideas:

   The Hour of the Star by Lispector
   The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Murakami
   The Ticklish Subject by Zizek
   The Autobiography by Kissinger
   Elements of Style by Strunk and White
   The Book of Revelation by God (Saint Peter, ed.)
   The Diaries by Anais Nin
   The Idiot by Doestoeveski
   Fateless by Kersetz

   Do you have any better ideas?

   Pranayama has many levels, I suspect. The first is that it shows you the inner boundaries of the body. The upper limit—which is the jalandhara Bandha—and the lower limit—which is the mula Bandha. I am still in this phase, identified with the mula Bandha. It is more true than being identified with the physical body, but it is still illusion. HOWEVER, I think that next what I am learning is that I am not my mula Bandha. I am learning that, as you say it, existence is like air or breath. Not MY breath. Just the breath of the universe. But I might not breathe the universe, really, until I finally stop breathing me. It is true.

   You should try the body practices some time. They are better than Youtube.

   Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 11, 02:35 PM · #

5. Once upon a time, in a small village lived an old woman and an old man. They have no children. They both died in the same night. Next morning, the villagers organized meeting regarding “who and how” should take care about a child of those couple. ... You are like those villagers, discussing, complaining and analyzing “yourself.”

   You follow devotional path…. Let the Intent hear you and let your true teacher come forth….

   Good luck and have a fun. :)

   Posted by: zee · Jan 11, 04:39 PM · #

6. Personally I suggest Frankenstein by Mary Shelly… We got experiments with corpses and electricity and a scientist obsessed with conquering death.

   Posted by: Susan · Jan 11, 04:51 PM · #

7. I think it’s a great thing as long as it’s wine. I don’t care what the Kuran says about “a devil in every berry of the grape”. Just remember that every drop of wine was once sap in a stick. It’s a beautiful thing, worth a heady practice.

   Posted by: eor · Jan 11, 06:37 PM · #

8. Mmmm. Interesting it would be my muse, my guru and my gadfly to show up for this. Holy trinity!

   It is all good. Thank you for helping me. We are already awake.

   Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 12, 07:05 AM · #

9. We ARE already fully realized, we just forgot somewhere along the way. Just remember not to forget, and it’s simple. Seriously, make it easy on yourself.

   Posted by: Susan · Jan 12, 08:02 AM · #

10. Zee, you don’t get it.

    Owl, why read Kissinger’s autobiography? The man spoke with great authority about things he couldn’t grasp. Such would be the case with his memoirs to, I imagine.

    Posted by: Carl · Jan 12, 02:37 PM · #

11. Really, the book I shall study is the Yoga Vasistha Sara, Susan’s favorite.

    That was the most random list ever. I guess I said Kissinger because I thought the autobiography of Satan would be spiritually challenging.

    Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 12, 03:22 PM · #

12. I thought that over and I’ll check the library for a copy of Kissinger’s autobiography. It’s good to read what people have to say. I’d check for Satan’s bio too but I expect I won’t find it there.

    Posted by: Carl · Jan 13, 12:35 PM · #

13. Actually, http://www.amazon.com/Satan-Biography-Henry-Ansgar-Kelly/dp/0521604028 (by an emeritus professor of English at UCLA).

    Posted by: R · Jan 14, 11:33 AM · #

14. That looks brilliant. Reminds me of this small interview from a while back.

    I guess Satan goes by many names. The Editor just read a bunch of Crowley auto/biographies, and found little of the real devil in them. Poseur. But if we just wait for Bush’s cabinet members to publish their memoirs, we’ll be able to choose from a whole range of manifestations by the Prince of Darkness. :)

    Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 14, 11:48 AM · #

15. (I thought I heard about the book on this blog. I know I’ve read the interview before. Did you post it here a few months back? Dangerous blog recursivity…)

    Posted by: R · Jan 14, 12:26 PM · #

16. Oops, you caught me. Just trying to be helpful: everyone should get to know Satan.

    Recursivity is dangerous? Or just for someone with my particular affliction?

    Posted by: (0v0) · Jan 14, 07:50 PM · #

17. I wasn’t catching you; I was catching myself. (After all, I was the one who brought up the Satan biography this [second?] time, not you.) So no worries. It was my own blog-comment recursivity that I was flagging. And recursivity is in the nature of modern information systems; you have no special claim to it, by affliction or otherwise. This is the precarious condition of modern knowledge. Hence, Danger… QED. IBID. passim.

    Posted by: R · Jan 14, 08:58 PM · #

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