The Slacker Meditates: Some High Points · 27 August 2007

                                DAY 1: STATIC

Candy saaaaays…

I haven’t had a sexual fantasy today. Which can’t be healthy...

I’m gonna watch the bluebirds flyyy… ovah mah shouldah 

Who else in here is having a sexual fantasy? Maybe if I can find them out…

What do you think I’d seeeee?

If aliens bombed the White House, would the retreat directors tell us?

If I could…

I knew the Velvet Underground was a mistake this morning.

Walk a-wa-y from me…?

             DAY 2: DOUBTING THE METHOD, RATIONALIZATION, MIND-GAMES

Isn’t this being the witness thing a little jayvee? Why cultivate dualism?

I’m not sure about yesterday's sublimation of sexual energy strategy. Isn’t that more for the Vajrayana set? And Kornfield did give that lecture about not mixing methods…. 

If a sexual fantasy spontaneously arises in my field of awareness, isn’t meditating on it a form of Vipassana?

How many days until my awareness goes transpersonal? Maybe I can work some telepathy.

If the TM people think they can meditate together to bring world peace, could we raise the vibrational energy for regime change?

This is all so dualistic. It’s wallowing. I want realization. Screw practice. This just reinforces smallmind. What’s the sutra? With swift effort become wise… And that Kornfield line: “It’s not that we’re too greedy… It’s that we’re not greedy enough.”

This is boring. If my brainwaves don’t drop down tomorrow, I’m done. Why don’t they teach us lucid dreaming or something halfway interesting as long as we’re going to sit here all week?

What am I doing on the slow train? Maybe the diamond vehicle…. Maybe zen…

              DAY 3: OBSESSION WITH IMMEDIATE ENVIRONMENT

But the slow train is scenic! I’d forgotten. God this is good.

…And lunch will be even better…

Whose shoes are those?

Was that 30 minutes of dead air? Existence is beautiful. Emptiness is beautiful.

Are there really not any sexy people? Really?

They have heirloom tomatoes down in the kitchen. Tomatoes…

How many hours until asana practice? Maybe I will start earlier tomorrow. Sun salutations…. Ekam inhale… Dwe exhale…. Shit. The instructor just took the look on my face for a sexual fantasy…

Ok, I’m wasting time. I don’t have all millennium here. Let it go, let it go already….

That dead spot in my trapezius hasn’t gotten any smaller since last year.

Ekam…. Dwe…. Ekam… Dwe… Sat… Nam… Sat… Nam… that’s more like it already… Nam…

I think I have to go to the bathroom, but that might be more drama than I can handle.

I feel happy. Happy happy happy. Pardon me while I exploit his emotion. Get lost, witness.

If I’m going to reset my alarm before bed, I better rehearse that a few times in my head first. It’ll be the big event of the night… I’m already looking forward to it.

Posted by (0v0)        
Categories: beta state , esoteric shit , evolution , having a body , self-deception , sound , spirituality

Comment

1. Great post. One might guess there were psychedelics involved in its composition?

   Posted by: Anonymous · Aug 27, 11:21 AM · #

2. Hilarious:

   “I think I have to go to the bathroom, but that might be more drama than I can handle.”

   “If I’m going to reset my alarm before bed, I better rehearse that a few times in my head first.”

   Perfect representation of retreat mind.

   I remember someone opening the door to the zendo in the middle of a long afternoon — day 3. Sound, a breeze, footsteps. It was the most thrilling burst of entertainment I’ve ever felt.

   Posted by: karen · Aug 27, 12:16 PM · #

3. When I think about sitting for hours, for days, I get kind of panicky. I can’t imagine it. A half hour is one thing. . . .

   Do you think these retreats have helped you in some big way? Can you tell?

   Posted by: gartenfische · Aug 28, 04:05 AM · #

4. As far as I know, I take my Lou Reed straight. Probably unnecessary (see below).

   I do hope I’ll be able to bust through my three phases of meditation-avoidance in less than three days, this time. Phhht. I know I’m BSing myself so often in meditation, and yet I choose to do it anyway.

   I have admit that retreats have not helped me equal to the time and money I invest in them. (This is a big cost for me.) It’s just that when I want something (which is rare), I do it. That’s all. Intimates say that I do return with some extra perspective, and I think the commitment to doing this each year will influence my personality in the long run.

   But to be blunt, I don’t meditate to be a better person. I’m not that virtuous.

   A lot of people do care about personal improvement: it’s an admirable aspect of our culture. But it would never get me off the sofa. I’m motivated by pleasure and mystery. I want bliss and insight. If the methods I use to give them to me do so via the subversive method of chilling out my ego and expanding my love, it’s just because I was stupid and lucky enough to find them before I found meth.

   But to be smug, I do think that someone who is looking happiness is a dumbass if she thinks it won’t involve contemplation, chilling out her ego, and insane love. Meth doesn’t give you that. But psilocybin? Hmm….

   Posted by: (0v0) · Aug 28, 05:16 AM · #

5. As always, loved reading this.

   cj x

   Posted by: CJ · Aug 28, 05:28 AM · #

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