INSIDEOWL: Russian Hacker, Punk Rock Hair

Russian Hacker, Punk Rock Hair · 13 September 2007

I kept it short-short for a while in college, after the dred lock period (itself the result of a month on a winter wilderness ski trip, aided by a little cross-country skiboot grease… then maintained for the thrill of taking that hair to my parents’ church on winter break). When I cut it all off, it was said I looked like KD Lang. Which was great. That was before life in the tropics and So-Cal bleached it to hell. But the thing about the short-short was that it required a lot of stupid maintenance.

When I started grad school, I said forget it. I have a simple trim at the beginning of every school year and otherwise let it grow. It basically lives on top of my head in two post-practice sweaty braids pinned crosswise.

I go to Jennie, a Chinese woman with a chair at a ghetto salon adjacent the 405. My friend Nancy, also a Chinese immigrant, recommended her. Jennie takes a full hour to trim my fine brickstraight hair, and we make smalltalk across what my Montanan mother calls “the language barrier.” She’s meticulous and I adore her. Nobody goes to her, though, because the salon is owned by and caters to Chinese men, and there’s some kind of norm in this place against co-ed stylist-client cutting. Strange.

Last fall Jennie and I took off a foot—twelve full inches—and it was still long hair. I tipped her as much as she charged me for the cut and still spent under $30.

But this summer Jennie suddenly moved to Canada. Damn US Immigration.

So yesterday I was down in the Student Union, and walked into “Campus Cuts” for a trim. Sketchy, but I only needed a straight trim, short enough that I would stop tripping on my braids in tittibasana.

You never judge your stylist by her own hair, because chances are she changes it every week and that amount of processing will take its toll. But the woman who wordlessly pointed me to my chair was looking distinctly brassy and frizzed. She said nothing as she suited me up, and then the ancient cell phone on her counter rang.

She took the call. (My gawd.)

In Russian, for about five minutes. Loudly. Just standing there in the shop, conducting a family dispute. Then she stomped back in my direction, huffing.

She brushed out my long hair with a wide toothed comb. And here’s the hilarious part. She worked around my head and on the last stroke the comb stuck a full inch from the bottom of my hair. Rather than work out the gnarl, she used her free hand to swipe her scissors and cut the comb free. We still hadn’t even discussed what I wanted.

Holy shit, did she just do that? I wanted to cheer her on it was so goddam impulsive. So much for performing the service—at $14 I wasn’t getting any extra care.

Then she looked down at me, no eye contact, and grunted in a good old lady gravelly tenor: How long. Not spoken as a question.

I was suddenly feeling crazy. This woman clearly had no business cutting hair, or even handling scissors. We couldn’t really communicate; and I was only going to pay her a criminal $14 for the service. I sort of had to do something brash. Either bolt out of there, or let her have at me.

So I said: Shoulder length. Which meant hacking off a full eight inches. She shrugged to communicate she (a hair stylist) did not understand the phrase shoulder length.

I made my palm rigid like in karate to signal where I wanted her to cut.

Ok. That was the last thing she said to me.

She divided my hair into four sections, two in back and one on each side. (Jennie used to work with about thirty sections.) No wash. I’d walked in with a weird, uneven part way to the left as a result of driving with an open window. She just left it.

She cut each section in a single line, about two inches shorted than I had indicated. Except the first snip, which she had to repeat twice because the scissors were so dull. My hair has grown light over the summer, and I looked at that pile of dry strawberry blonde on the floor and felt delighted to be free of it.

Yes! Take it away!

Three, maybe four, minutes later, when the cut was over (no blow dry, because she’d barely sprayed me down, and no style), I felt lightheaded to say the least. Amazing. I thanked her honestly and left a decent tip.

The Editor said that while my punk rock hair was interesting and he understood my commitment not to get regular cuts in grad school because the hair is fairly weedlike in its growth speed, I had to go to a salon for cleanup.

Turns out Westwood is full of salons. (Because it's just a tacky financial-celebrity district, not a genuine University District.) I’m using some online fora to see which ones ULCA students like best. We’re talking $185 if you don’t want a blow dry. Yeah. These kids are loaded.

I guess Campus Cuts only exists to serve Grad Students and the Grounds Crew.

I’m enjoying the punk rock hair for now (though I did have to clean up the worst bits, which where unbelievably bad); still I am thinking of paying good money to have it all taken off. However, I know the minute I walk in to Mark Slicker or somesuch, I’ll suddenly get possessive and protective of it (as if it's a thing of value) and go for a conservative correction job. At my age and pretending to be professional, it’s about time I find a hairstyle that suits me, and if it happens now it’s only because I got the courage from my Russian hacker. I'll try to keep her spirit with me when I sell out to the salon.

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Comment

Hey, thanks! I needed this today. (Your hair experiences are much more amusing than anything going on over here these days.)

Posted by: gartenfische · Sep 13, 09:18 AM · #
Now that is a good story. Looking forward to seeing you (and your hair) very soon.

Posted by: RE · Sep 13, 10:55 AM · #
I think the rule on ashtangi.net is that if you blog about your haircut, you need to post a picture of it. It was on the clickthrough contract you agreed to when you got your blog posted on it.

Really. You can ask Julie.

Posted by: Tim · Sep 13, 11:02 AM · #
Tee hee – great story! Go for it, I LOVE having short hair for practice – just clip and go! However, post-practice sweaty head can be a bit of a problem with short hair – sometimes I forget and start chatting away with people and then I am horrified when I see myself in a mirror with it sticking out in most directions yet flat where it matters…

Posted by: Sally · Sep 13, 11:33 AM · #
Well, it took less than a day for me to break down for a real cut. Saturday I’m having brunch with Grandma, after I cheer her on in an Alzyhemer’s benefit walk, and I want to look good for her.

I told the stylist to do whatever she wanted, and she said: �Well, if you didn�t get mad at the last woman for what she did, I can do anything I want and you�ll still pay me!� She described her vision, which sounded a bit too Victoria Beckham to me, so we went for something a little blunter. Anyway, it�s short. I feel so lightheaded.

PHOTOS? Tim, I just went back and reviewed my contract, and you�re correct. But according my academic-reputational faux-anonymity clause, I am required to send out the images via email. That is, if anyone would like to see, email me now and I�ll send the images when I return from Denver next Tuesday. Happy to send to whomever.

Except for you, Zee. No photos for you.

Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 13, 12:54 PM · #
Oh. Practice update.

So, I�ve never practiced yoga without braids. I went in today with pins to keep the sides out of my face, but they quickly dislodged. Before I was half done, my head was a little paintbrush throwing droplets everywhere. I kept having to towel off, which broke my rhythm. My friend Alicia recommended a little vertical ponytail, Chevette Washington style, but I doubt it would survive chakrasana.

And I�m a little vain for a Chevette Washington, even though she�s badass.

I�d appreciate any suggestions. Please don�t say showercap.

Interesting, today revealed that I have dozens of neck maneuvers at strategic moments throughout the practice designed to reposition the braids out of the way. Today the phantom braids were with me like amputated limbs, revealing all my little head-flicks for the samskaras they are. In kapotasa, I learned that I�ve always relied on them as guides to find the floor with my eyes, and then bring the gaze back in toward the toes.

Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 13, 01:14 PM · #
RE, have you heard the new Ornette Coleman record?
Ex.

Slightly more exciting than my hair will be on the 26th.

Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 13, 01:24 PM · #
i want pictures!
about a year and half ago i got fed up with my hair and chopped it all off myself. i kept it short for quite a while and then got tired of the maintainance and have let it grow. my business partner asked me why i never wear my hair down now that it is long again. the truth is, i hate hair in my face and i hate the feeling of it on my neck. i almost always wear two little buns on the sides of my head, kind of like an alopecic princess Laia. i would give myself the same haircut that i give Rowan if it wouldn’t bring on an amount of attention that i would be extremely uncomfortable with.

Posted by: cranky housefrau · Sep 13, 09:55 PM · #
Great story! I’m impressed by your ability to just experience and enjoy things that would drive other people crazy. I wouldn’t have made it past the phone call!

Posted by: cody · Sep 13, 11:18 PM · #
I have to say, I’ve been happier since my hair’s grown long enough to pull back. It was a hassle when it was too short to pull into a ponytail but long enough to fall into my face. I ended up using headbands. First I used a bandana for a long time, but then headbands, with their simplicity, won out. Not cool at all, but they work.

Or�.�.�. a showercap.

Posted by: gartenfische · Sep 14, 05:49 AM · #
What maintenance is there for short-short hair? Mine is definitely short-short and a little Trader Joe’s shampoo is all it takes to clean it up. I steal a snail trail of gel from friends’ cabinets if I need to jazz myself up.

Posted by: Carl · Sep 14, 07:28 AM · #
Bandana + middle part + two little tiny pigtails on the top sides of your head. Keeps the top of your head free for whatever contorting you’re into on a given day.

Posted by: mudhoney · Sep 18, 12:55 AM · #
That’s two votes for the Baptiste bandana method. Duly noted.

C, on a daily basis I agree it’s easy (which I’m loving), but a trip to the hairdresser every month is my idea of very high maintenance. My hair has begun to grow so fast in recent years: I blame contortion and spirulina.

Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 18, 07:51 AM · #
My hair grows like weed; even if I kept it long, I’d have to see my colourist every four weeks because I’m about 50% grey and feel a bit too young to embrace the look.

Posted by: The Mindbender · Sep 19, 03:56 AM · #
First – it looks like a great cut in the photos! Whenever I get my hair cut short I love the feeling of waking in the morning and it being so light on my head…

Second – I use those clips that are metallic and bend/clip one side into another (not sure what they are called here in Aus, let alone in US), looks like the ones in the second row and below on here http://www.beadneeds.com.au/store/default.php?cPath=150
I use one high up on each side and then tuck any “leftovers” behind my ears – the sweat keeps them there after a while! Those clips sit really flat to the head and you don’t notice them in any chakrasana, etc…

Posted by: Sally · Sep 19, 12:57 PM · #