Present Absence · 6 February 2008
Monday in practice, not seeing it coming, I went to a place I didn’t know I could go. Funny, that first experience of it. I went in to slight holy shit-mind for a second: the mind that says Oh this is a threshold. This is something.
When I came out of it (the holy-shit mind and the posture) the teacher was standing there. Not feeding back anything. Not approval, smirkingness, or it's- about- time- you- went- there; just a being there for it.
--That was a no brainer.
--Exactly.
Walking off.
A friend—I will call her Jedi Riverdance—said this looked like analyst-analysand in a traditional psychotherapy relationship. A truly processed analyst doesn’t take up space or cut the stream of consciousness by inserting much reaction. If they’re good, they tend not to privilege one moment over the other—there’s juice to be found as much in the mundane as in the apparent climaxes. If they’re good, they know exactly when to respond and otherwise they just sit, actively, and hold the space.
After I listened to Jedi Riverdance (trying just to listen and get her, without half-hearing as I jumped to telegraph a response), I thought of the monks at Deer Park. Their unnerving “mindful listening” thing. Active, but not re-active. Just being there to receive what another is saying, hoping their present absence of word or body language will open up more possibility for the speaker to go deeper into what she’s capable of saying.
A lot of times, that kind of being-there for people—without much obvious feedback—just freaks us out. We want cues to know how we are doing, and do not understand the highly cultivated, chilled-out silence of a mature teacher who is saying Go on, I’m good with whatever comes next. Just go on.
Posted by (0v0)
Categories: astanga yoga
, evolution
, having a body
, power of suggestion
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Exactly . . .
Posted by: RE · Feb 6, 09:37 AM · #
We are both quite fortunate to have teachers like this.
I think the mindful listening you describe also happens in the context of true friendship, when you can experience quiet space with people absent a need for consistent chatter and reinforcement.
I like the category of “evolution” here.
Posted by: Anna · Feb 6, 10:59 AM · #
“Go on, I’m good with whatever comes next. Just go on.”
What better to hear/sense?
The heart of art, music, improv of any kind, poetry, dance, sex, conversation — gosh, anything you can think of. Beautiful.
Posted by: karen · Feb 6, 06:02 PM · #
And in that moment with your teacher, he did not insert himself into your experience, did not “adjust” it, did not mediate it. He left you in your own experience.
This seems essential when teaching someone to trust herself, to be independent. Actually, perhaps less “teaching” than “allowing,” though I guess in the end, they add up to the same thing.
Just flashed on multi-pitch climbing. If it’s two people, the lead climber is always moving away from the belayer. You have a moment together, and then the lead goes up: and the two experiences diverge for the next 60 meters of rope. No matter how much you want to help/intervene, etc., you are basically left with your own experience.
Yoga rooms can make a kind of hotbed of experience-intervention. People are trying to “help,” both emotionally and physically. Ripe for entanglements. I’m suspecting SKPJ and Krishnamacharya did NOT do emotional entanglement or “helping” the way Americans feel compelled to…
Posted by: karen · Feb 7, 05:28 AM · #
Karen, how do you remember Seung Sahn being with this? I wonder because I don’t remember anyone else like him in this way; for me he was amazing.
Posted by: eeyore · Feb 7, 10:03 AM · #
I look forward to my next experience with this; other than that, I’m far, far from this place.
Posted by: patrick · Feb 7, 10:05 AM · #
You mean how Soen Sa Nim was about not “adjusting” other peoples’ experiences? I would say he was a master at just being there. Dae Bong (Kwan Um zen master in Korea) also is just like that.
Posted by: karen · Feb 7, 03:27 PM · #
ROCKIN’ REDESIGN! HOW EXISTENTIALLY UNSETTLING!
Posted by: R · Feb 7, 04:27 PM · #
So good, the climbing thing. And the possibility of having an “unadjusted” experience. Love that.
But I also do think that some students might feel that a teacher’s “just being there for it” is actually more like withholding. Reticence and non-generosity are also energies that can come up in a practice space, and sometimes when that happens a student (who, if she is practicing deeply, might have some latent childhood stuff pretty close to the surface) could feel abandoned.
It’s delicate.
Posted by: (0v0) · Feb 8, 05:01 PM · #
Do you think so, Angie? I’m not sure. Having had a teacher that I would call withholding, and now having one who is absolutely not that, I think there’s a clear difference. A quality of attention that either is or is not being given to you, as indicated by gaze and presence. You know if it’s there.
Posted by: Katie · Feb 11, 09:41 AM · #
Yeah, that’s true. There are some all-too-clear signals when a teacher is withholding, especially because of the way ashtanga works. Suddenly I have this memory on re-play in my head: a departing teacher stage-whispers to the incoming teacher, “Don’t advance that student (who by all measures should be moving on) because then she won’t have anything to look forward to.” Stuff like this—and even gaze and presence, as mentioned—is not subtle.
But even with an opean-hearted teacher who sees her students super-clearly, still there’s so much room for students’ projection in a Mysore setting. Some students always want more from a teacher, and may experience abandonment or jealousy if things don’t go how they want. If a teacher does not accommodate that, is it withholding?
I know I’ve projected some cynicism and fear on to one teacher in particular, and didn’t realize until I talked with him for a long time and worked through my own shyness with him how much of that was my reading of the situation. That wasn’t about withholding, but it just makes me feel that even someone who understands projection and transference can still engage in them like a little fiend. :)
Posted by: (0v0) · Feb 11, 12:04 PM · #