Owl-Mouse · 2 September 2008
Or, Physiology of Letting Go.
It is fall. I should let go of the intermediate series. All of it, all at once, traditional-style, bam. I started this practice on the first of a September, and may as well end it in like manner.
I put it off. The crazy long practice was beyond good all summer, practicing with friends, the rhythmic ease of the programme on my body. Why the hell would I quit something that is so effortless and takes such good care of me? Something I love so much? Is there some master narrative of “progress” and “moving on” and “letting go” or some nonsense that progress in these dumb series is supposed to map and reproduce? Pish. I’m good with what works, and what works is all of second and third to the twists.
Good reasons for changing nothing.
The weather has turned and the students are returning and my asana teacher is back in town.
Yeah so whatever. Last Wednesday we hacked it off, like I did 50 weeks ago with 2 feet of hair.
Preliminary report: everything sucks.
I know that I’m a weird case, because I don’t get worn down by practice or need very much recovery. My body is hilariously soft (someone bought me a massage and the therapist said: “you looked so quiet and mousy when you came in, but there’s this strength in all the deep tissues”—yes, that’s “quiet and mousy”) but there’s weird strength in the area of stamina. Intermediate series is like brushing my teeth, and creates a focused momentum that makes advanced-A sort of easy.
Then again. Without intermediate, advanced is HARD. Oh my god. Soreness. Pain. Tension. Loss of flow. The shorter programme makes me ache and leaves me wondering what in the hell I’m doing to my body with this ashtanga nonsense. Can my upper body take this shit? I caught myself actually whimpering inside one day. Total loss of perspective there.
It’s pretty funny that I experience muscle ache as a form of fatigue. In my mind, I apparently conflate dull pain with energy loss… but maybe this is accurate. Maybe the resistance in my body is making me work harder and creating tiredness. Or maybe I’m physiologically depressed because I had to say goodbye to my friend the intermediate series. Maybe my normally open and giddy personality is a mere side-effect of intermediate series and now I’ll get all intense and gloomy… find the dark side in a new way. Sitting here, I could find other explanations too. For example: American politics. Whatever. Oh and by the way, I dreamed of book The Giving Tree. Daaaaark.
I wish there were something I could say to decrease the third series intrigue that afflicts some people. Since I’m in this mood, here’s my best shot.
The “exclusivity” of the experience is in its dailiness. Not its difficulty or intensity. Lots of people can make these shapes—they’re nothing special in isolation. But… not a lot of people do this practice regularly. Though I wish they did so I’d feel less isolated by it.
For people who think it is beautiful, consider that it’s normal to gain weight while you build up crazy core strength. Also, perhaps especially if you eat meat to do that, your shoulders will become large. (Noted because interest in having a beautiful practice seems to correlate with scheming about marginal fluctuations in weight.) If it seems like it’s powerful and you will have power if you do it, consider that some people become disempowered by practicing this series. It gets so practitioners have energy for these postures and little else. Is it better to create a daily metaphor for power by putting your body into a certain shape, or to invest your energy in other forms of creativity? This stuff stops being glamorous when it’s your daily practice. I love that. It may seem glamorous if you’re contorting yourself into position every so often for the thrill of it. But that’s not ashtanga—it’s also perhaps not safe (not really for me to say; I have no experience out of context), and might not be particularly intelligent on a subtle level.
I grant that it’s a wonderful programme in some ways. Knowing me, I will gradually fall more deeply in love with it as I find its quirks and the little tiny details and variations in our relationship. (Today I realized I was already very intimate with the postures themselves, and that they're more interesting and finegrained now than a year ago. As with the Editor--here exactly ten years now, since under a willow tree outside the library he drew me into intense, fateful conversation about Bill Clinton bombing Afghanistan--these recognitions of relationship get me all tender and thankful.)
Or maybe I’ll just learn to do backflips and that will put a finishing layer of EZ-Cheeze on top of everything. I don’t know. It’s also just this mundane thing. Really.
Posted by (0v0)
Categories: astanga yoga
, having a body
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well said. some of us are searching for something beyond this contortionist crap. i like how you think, although sometimes it goes over my head, this post did not.
Posted by: bindifry · Sep 2, 10:29 PM · #
“Is it better to create a daily metaphor for power by putting your body into a certain shape, or to invest your energy in other forms of creativity?”
Whoa.
Posted by: karen · Sep 3, 04:35 AM · #
hi (0v0), i’m trying the new web browser, google chrome, and it seems to allow to view the comments section of your blog.
cheers,
arturo
Posted by: arturo · Sep 3, 04:59 AM · #
Yes, Chrome is based on open-source software like Firefox, so this site will interface with it.
I don’t mean to say there’s no value at all in advanced practice… just that the elitism that surrounds it is super distracting. Ashtanga can be a hierarchical zone… and then again not.
But… I have to be honest, kapotasana changed my life.
My sense here is that ashtanga is about affirming that the body is not less real than any meta-realm. Not more real, but not less. Not different. The body together with the mind (can we even speak of these independently? one reader has been taken aback my all my dualist language here) is the field of practice, and of all mundane life. It’s real. The way to go beyond contortionism here is by being more and more subtly grounded in embodied experience. Not by going beyond the body. At least this is the traditional “everything is god” notion of it. And it’s what I understand as practice, in my experience.
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 3, 10:56 AM · #
When might we expect some inspiring asana-on-scenic-geologic-formations photos from you?
Posted by: Carl · Sep 3, 11:44 AM · #
Yes, I’d like to see those too. Take the asana porn one step farther please.
Posted by: LI Ashtangini · Sep 3, 12:10 PM · #
Carl, you opportunist.
You say this after I make my little plea for the primacy and the non-shallowness of the body. Whatever.
I’ll upload something to flickr later.
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 3, 01:13 PM · #
Kapotasana changed my life, too. It blew open possibility—cleared a big huge patch of sky, sort of. It still scares me and thrills me every day.
Can’t you do a split, Owl? Maybe skipping 2nd isn’t letting your body open itself enough for 3rd, just yet. Don’t do yourself a mischief.
Posted by: joy · Sep 3, 09:43 PM · #
Owl! There’s been something in the air recently and everything’s been a bit off kilter. I think this darkness will settle down and you will adjust to the new routine.. maybe you needed a shake-up? Keep the faith!
But also, split seems like a good idea, no? Is your teacher against it?
Tamasic funk, begone…
Posted by: susananda · Sep 4, 12:34 AM · #
oooh… Owl in action! Thanks for the Flickr goodness. I’m jealous of your open chest and hips! Wonderful! Kapotasana saved my life too. It’s always a struggle, but the end result is so worth it. Stupid tight chest!
There’s a woman who I practice with every once in awhile who does mixture of 3rd and 4th- straight out of the gate. Just sun salutations and WHAM! Vasistasana. She’s a student of Nancy Gilgoff. Sounds grueling to me- for an every day practice, that is. But, probably like you, 2nd became too routine- not enough of a challenge. I myself can’t fathom that. I love me some 2nd series. Good luck with your new practice! Sounds kind of exciting to me. Mix it up, Owl!
Posted by: Liz · Sep 4, 10:30 AM · #
Yes, nice photos! Your legs are really straight! I make more of a circle still.. Your other photos are very cool too. And your shala is so so lovely, wow.
Kino in her DVD says something about there being space for growth in the dark places; relating most concretely to asana practice, but this is a mirror, right? Coincidentally, it’s the part where she’s in kapotasana.
Posted by: susananda · Sep 4, 11:17 AM · #
Oh yeah, the photos! Quelle jolie chouette, so bendy. I knew it was you from your red toenails! And yes, what a beautiful honey colored shala. I love it.
Posted by: joy · Sep 4, 11:25 AM · #
Who who?
Don’t do yourself a mischief! I love it. Left to my own devices I’d split at kapo, it’s true. These wackos Liz mentions who go bam from the suryas, yes, they’re out there. That’s a version of the tradition I’m happy to have missed.
You all are really nice. Thanks for helping me normalize this ordeal of looking at a photo of myself.
Yesterday was the second time I’ve ever looked at an asana image of myself, and it was surprisingly non-horrifying. I think it even chilled me out a little.
And… something happened this morning in practice… which I’ll mention because of what Susananda said. A subtle version of bringing specific awareness to let go of a physical pattern… a version, I guess, of what new students get all the time to the point of going a bit crazy. But god, that moment of freedom in the bringing the mind to a specific place and then letting go of fear and seeing the proof of that in getting to complete some crazy motherfucking maneuv. Sweet and inspiring to have one of those. And interesting it happened today.
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 4, 11:37 AM · #
Wow! Cool picture. How much actual time did you shave off your bending…30-45 minutes?
Posted by: cody · Sep 4, 11:52 AM · #
dear (0v0). i was going to ask, is that you, but the mistery is solved. it is amazing how your legs are so straight while the rest of the body is bent back. is it called chakra bandhasana? the holy grail? if i have to ask the name i cannot afford it at the moment.
maybe it feels a bit pervy to look at a photo of oneself doing yoga, but i find that it is a great teaching tool, particularly when there is not a teacher present, other than the Self. i also think that the usual reaction is surprise that one wasn’t so far off from the full expression of the asana. i convert my pictures to art because the intimacy of the pictures feels too much and converting it to art makes it more rational, at least to me.
hugs
arturo
Posted by: arturo · Sep 4, 12:01 PM · #
Yeah, maybe 30 minutes. Not much.
Would say more about the pitfalls of Yogaworks asana analysis and image-focus, but that’s all been said in so many ways and I’ve made my peace with that part of my own history and am happy for what it was. People eventually have to move on from that.
What I want to know and don’t know is: Is it possible look at these images and see their specific qualities while still maintaining a sense that it doesn’t matter what it looks like?
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 4, 12:25 PM · #
Observation without judgment?
Posted by: cody · Sep 4, 12:29 PM · #
Oh!
:)
Vipassana that understands the body as a field of consciousness?
Objectification of a WHOLE different sort?
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 4, 12:31 PM · #
I’m glad I came by today!!! We should both totally learn back flips at the same time. I’ll come out there & we can do them together?
It’s very funny in that we are at a similar point, even if we have very different bodies / practices. I feel like I still so totally need my bit of 2nd, because Kapotasana is still so challenging for me. It’s the shoulder thing. I’ve been switching to 3rd right after Kapo for… let’s see… I think Greg had me start that two months ago and I’ve been following that program since moving my practice back to Chris.
(I wonder if you could help me figure out how to rotate my hand to the correct position in Nataranjasana – side note).
Anyway… Christopher wants me to drop all the Intermediate on Thursdays now. I know where this is heading. First he will see if that will get me up to Mars Mon-Thurs. Thus far, with the added difficulty level of my practice plus commute time, I have only managed three consecutive days. Second, he will see how it goes for me initially, with an eye on eliminating the Intermediate entirely, except for Sundays.
Egad, I say.
Even Mousebell stopped doing 3rd every weekday once she’d learned the whole series.
Posted by: boodiba · Sep 5, 04:45 AM · #
Boodi, find the hand thing in dhanurasana where you don’t have to worry about balance…
I don’t think that asana analysis necessarily has to do with image focus.. we are breaking down very precisely the physical actions needed to enhance the energy flow and map out the dark spots in that field of consciousness.
As far as images go, I think that often in these lovely asanas, what we are drawn to is less the physical perfection on display, and more the palpable sense of sukha/sthira that advanced practitioners exude. The posture is going to look harmonious, smooth, balanced and peaceful. Pictures of odd bodies doing simple poses well would be more appealing than those of ‘beautiful people’ gripping, tensing, and holding their breath, I am sure.
With my own photos, it’s interesting to me to see if it looks as good/bad as it feels. lol
Posted by: susananda · Sep 6, 12:28 AM · #
Oooh that’s an interesting suggestion S. I don’t know if I could do it but I can try. I mean I twist my whole body around to get the grip for eka pada raja kapo. Chris makes his sour lemon face when I do that…
Posted by: boodiba · Sep 6, 03:26 AM · #
“As far as images go, I think that often in these lovely asanas, what we are drawn to is less the physical perfection on display, and more the palpable sense of sukha/sthira that advanced practitioners exude. The posture is going to look harmonious, smooth, balanced and peaceful. Pictures of odd bodies doing simple poses well would be more appealing than those of ‘beautiful people’ gripping, tensing, and holding their breath, I am sure.”
Yes! Yes!
Posted by: karen · Sep 6, 04:55 AM · #
Oh Sus, that’s good.
I’m not sure about whether I exude shtira/suhka, but the taking things to the last of the dark spots, as you say… this is concretely what is going for me.
I’m still a bit amazed by the little realization from thursday. I snapped an intercostal exactly four years ago and have been protecting the whole area around it—holding those two ribs closely together—ever since. Letting that go all the way and suddenly would have been frightening if it wasn’t sort of like flying in a dream. The coming untethered with no consequence but freedom of movement and from fear. Tho bringing of mind to an area that had been resisting it day after day, even in chakra-b.
Posted by: (0v0) · Sep 6, 06:45 AM · #
Awesome!! :)
Posted by: susananda · Sep 6, 02:20 PM · #