Make you stranger · 11 April 2010

We did four hours of dzogchen with Shinzen today. Dialing in to the world-soul on my decrepit MotoRAZR. Kind of steampunk.

Other instruction I’ve received in antimeditation—mahamudra, “choiceless awareness”… they’re all going after the same insanely beautiful, left-brainy receptivity—wind up spacing you way out. Melt you down on your zafu in to a boundless, peaceful, primordial blob. Hi, I came all this way to make myself jellyfish? Feels nice, but disorienting and nonreplicable.

I suppose that spacey instruction could work, were concentration superstrong from years of practice, or at least primed from days in retreat. It any case, of course Shinzen’s guidance for becoming a bliss-blob is razr-sharp.

Let what happens happen. As soon as the intention arises to do anything, drop that intention.

Sometimes this doesn’t lead to the void, but directly away from it—directly in to shallow unmitigated chaos. The most lifelike sexual fantasy I’ve ever experienced was through dropping the intention to meditate, sitting there in a room full of sophisticated meditators. This is not a complaint. (I did feel a bit paranoid and guilty, that afternoon, once I recovered self-awareness.) And no wonder - dzogchen privileges lizard brain, teaches you to learn to turn off the upstart impulses of seeking, doing, wanting to let nature turn the wheels of consciousness. Something that feels sort of protozoa-primitive and highly evolved at the same time.

Anyway, perhaps since it was dzogchen day, Shinzen amid apologies took us on a few tangents. At the end of a particularly wonderful one (which I grabbed this laptop to transcribe) he said this:

I’m aware that as I get older, I am becoming weirder and weirder. That which does not kill us makes us stranger.

How beautiful that quaffing nothingness, or bending existence, or whatever mystical shit it is he does has not made him harsh, or cool, or intentionally distant, or vague. Or sanctimonious. What does it say about a practice when it does make one increasingly closed, distant, knowing, cool? Shinzen is weird, taking spontaneous riffs that sometimes make no sense to us, but it seems a modern-zen effort to say what he can. Not intent on projecting a self, but not protecting one either.

What the heck. Here's a little goldmine.

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Categories: esoteric shit , spirituality

Comment

1. “That which does not kill us makes us stranger.”
   Beautiful. And so true.

   Posted by: Fatou · Apr 11, 10:52 PM · #

2. if I get any weirder, then it’s all up for grabs. ““If I was a little bit younger I would worry more. I’d want to do one thing at a time but now I try to do a bunch of different things at a time if I can.” Philip Seymour Hoffman.

   Posted by: Chris · Apr 12, 01:31 AM · #

3. Gorgeous tree… wow. Glad someone is sitting near it for perspective. Does it have an aroma? I’m jealous!

   Posted by: Liz · Apr 12, 08:17 AM · #

4. I like his blooper reel too. The mark of humility! He is pretty awesome. Flowers are sprouting here, will take pics soon, that is one lovely Arbor!

   Posted by: Gregor · Apr 13, 11:18 AM · #

5. can i live in that tree?

   to quote two kids: “we’re just weirdos traveling in a weird world!”

   Posted by: Sara · Apr 14, 06:48 PM · #

6. :) :) :-)

   The pear and magnolia trees are already molting, the tulips falling open to the ground. The first cycle of spring is over. Baby green leaves are sprouting everywhere now…

   Posted by: (0v0) · Apr 16, 12:24 PM · #

7. Hi OVO,

   Did I ever mention in our conversations that I went through a Shinzen phase? Back before mp3’s and podcasts I used to tape Alan Watts every thursday night at 12 midnight on KPFK with Roy of Hollywood. Roy would play Shinzen right after and I would just continue recording. I would then listen on my Friday commute of 1 hour each way. It would be Watts on the drive east and Shinzen west. I am amazed sometimes by how similar our trajectories have been. : ) Of course, I haven’t put his practices in place to the extent that you have and I applaud you for that.

   Posted by: e&sj · Apr 17, 09:21 AM · #

8. I somehow missed this until just now, ESJ. Did I ever tell you I originally considered med school instead of Arts & Sciences stuff? There are many nodes of linkage.

   I like this pairing – Watts to the East (purva), Shinzen to the West (pachima).

   Posted by: (0v0) · Apr 28, 05:50 PM · #

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