Adventures in Concept Formation: The Will, Part II · 21 February 2008
Headache yesterday. I got all dramatic about it too, after it made me throw up and gave me the chills. So wrapped-up in it, in contrast to the big one last August on Vipassana retreat, when I could just drain some of the ownership and anger off the sensation and watch it go in on my brain. Best meditation fireworks ever, that migraine (not that I go chasing spooks, but it’s nice to get transported unexpectedly).
Not this time. Yesterday, it just made me mad. Today, my actual brain was cavernous, damp and hollow like your sinuses after you get caught in the undertow for one too many revolutions. As I continue to recover now, it’s nice to have things slowed down a bit—takes some of the reactive, reaching edge off the usual spitfire.
Punchdrunk; hanged woman; post-traumatic aporia. Good time for adventures in concept formation. So, as I was saying: The Will?
This section can bring a certain hardness for some women,
--he said to me this morning, after he laid down the dreaded EPB and I shrugged and haltingly, gracelessly took it up.
Hardness? My traps are mangled enough already. Let’s go back to stretching. I’m better at the surrender thing.
Monday night, the dispatch from the ashtanga field office came in—Patrick calling in with emergency concept-formation guidance. Get over the spectacle of defiance that poses as will, he said. That’s only a shadow of “will surging up from the full body of the earth,” the whole creative force in bloom that the angsty teenager cannot even fathom.
Ok. Wow. Yes. Moving forward, I’d jettison not only the petty "strong willed children" but for that matter Nietzsche and his miserabilist twin Schopenhauer. But maybe not so fast with wonderful, lovey old Fred. Here’s on hardness and will and creative energy, from Also Sprach Zarathustra:
“Why so hard?!” said the charcoal one day to the diamond. “Are we then not near relatives?”
Why so soft? O my brethren; thus do I ask you… Why so soft, so submissive and yielding? Why is there so much negation and abnegation in your hearts? Why is there so little fate in your looks?
And if ye will not be fates and inexorable ones, how can ye one day— conquer with me? And if your hardness will not glance and cut and chip to pieces, how can ye one day—create with me? For the creators are hard.
And blessedness must it seem to you to press your hand upon millenniums as upon wax—blessedness to write upon the will of millenniums as upon brass…This new table, O my brethren, put I up over you: BECOME HARD!
Honestly, this is just about as appealing to me right now as EPB: i.e., not appealing at all. But why not?
It’s only obnoxious if I’m still conceiving will as adolescent, instead of as the cosmic backgrounding of Svatmarama and the yogis—the will that is beyond rationality (which Schopenhauer understood beautifully), which is contained within surrender; the will that gathers up and holds your surrender so it doesn’t dissipate into nothing but rather is directed…, and contained…, and ultimately quieted.
Nietzsche tried to talk about this a century ago, and people misunderstand him now as some egoic fascist. But I feel strongly that he was only trying to articulate the energy that, it seems, killed him, because he harnessed it without quite understanding its gestalt. Even though he’s so close here with the diamond and charcoal: creativity that is receptive, will that is beyond personality. If his western mind lost the reigns of the will some days (even though on others the will he described was so far beyond his own personal action), I’ve little chance for doing any better, for now.
I have no will to become hard. But the whole thing about this yoga stuff is that it blurs the location and ontology of the “I”—of the doer of all this very specific crazy shit. Will? Hell, I am too inside and given over to this thing to stop. So if outwardly for a little while it brings creativity and strength and even hardness to the fore, what can I do?
Posted by (0v0)
Categories: astanga yoga
, beta state
, esoteric shit
, evolution
, having a body
, spirituality
Previous entry: Will as a Puppy / Next entry: Saturday XXXXII: Ten Equanimity
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I have a story about “become hard!” that I’ll tell you later…
It may be quite useful to press DOWN with the lowered leg; downward movement, upward movement brings. If you do Bakasana straight-armed, you know this. Nilaf’s site seems to recommend that the knee be as in-the-armpit as possible, but I think that’s just formal beauty.
Keep in mind that EPB is a balance pose and you’ll need to grok the tippiness of it, in addition to the power. Steer with your fingers, same as handstand.
Enjoy!
Posted by: patrick · Feb 21, 11:08 PM · #
There’s the creative will, yes? I am recalling an interview with John Ashbery a good while back. He was writing poems that were created in the amount of time it took for him to listen to a piece of music. I can’t find the quote, but the point was that creative flow was ongoing, and could be tuned into and out of — so he was just dialing in and writing, then dialing out.
For some reason, the balancing poses always feel like that to me (particularly bakasana)— that the flow is there, and you can flow with, and it’s like catching a song that’s ongoing and riding it a while.
Posted by: karen · Feb 22, 03:19 AM · #
Owl, good to see you back in full operation. I’ll be heading to the shala shortly, for the final practice of this trip, maybe I’ll see you there.
And btw, thank you for being you.
Posted by: jlafitte · Feb 22, 06:02 AM · #
Full recovery :).
When you have fallen in love and then you have recovered: how do you deal with the situation? Then you mention Nietzsche and you write about WILL:
1. I, Inside Owl, a resident of the World, hereby make this Will and revoke all prior Wills and Codicils….
2. I give my blog blabbering to the following persons: – All to jlafitte ‘cause he likes me for what I am. Or – One-half to Karen ‘cause she writes like me (well almost like me) and One-half to Cody cause he has not the slightest idea what I am speaking of. Or – All to my children, equally, and their issue, per stirpes.
3. I appoint Namaste Zee Ashtanga as Executor of my Will, and if he is unable or unwilling to serve, then no one can.
THREE LURKERS, WHO ARE THERE MUST SEE YOU COMMENT THE WILL, TO IMMEDIATELY COMMENT YOUR COMMENT. A WILL THAT IS NOT PROPERLY COMMENTED IS NOT VALID!
Posted by: zee · Feb 22, 11:25 AM · #
OK I’m a lurker. I have nothing to say but hello?
Posted by: Boodiba · Feb 22, 11:50 AM · #
Not funny. No way. This is fucked up.
No need for you lurkers to ratify the hostile takeover of my blog by the so-called executor. I respect your silence and do not wish to be executed. I am just doing writing practice here, not playing the saintly host to a Zen passion play.
I’ll look for the Ashberry thing—thanks Karen. I’ve been meaning to read Convex Mirror for a long time.
Home practice for me today, LaFitte. Hope all was well at the shala and godspeed you back to New Orleans.
Posted by: (0v0) · Feb 22, 12:24 PM · #
Oh no funny, intersubjectivity again.
if you spend all your time writing about intersubjectivity (or do you have a G spot or not) you will focus your stimulation on just one area, you know?
Anyway, do you know my dear Owl that the intersubjectivity – the mysterious G spot can be located with ultrasound (claim Italian scientists). Reserchers told us, they found an area of thiker tissues among the women reporting orgasm. (And Karen, that area is not the area of the moola bandha.)
Now, women, all over the world, are asking: Will ultrasound for this discovery be covered under the governmental health care?
On the contrary, men are worried: The hell with ultrasound. Let use fundamental, more traditional, research methods and find the area of the intersubjectivity.
Posted by: zee · Feb 22, 12:48 PM · #
Yesterday an old friend who doesn’t comment here said to me:
“Why are you so kind to this cutting, demanding person who is trying to monopolize your blog-space space and your attention? You are too kind to people, because you hate hurting anybody. You always want to give people courage and strength. It’s no wonder you need so much time to recharge after parties.”
Intersubjectivity.
Posted by: (0v0) · Feb 22, 01:08 PM · #
No problem.
But NEVER again call me to “give you advise” or to comment here.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
You have no sense of humor.
Posted by: zee · Feb 22, 01:14 PM · #
Yes, all was well at the shala. Full up when I arrived, but CJ generously waved me over and made room. I had a textbook primary practice. Fridays are such a treat.
Talked to Nathalie for a bit afterward, she’s a real sweetheart. She wants to host Melanie for a workshop sometime, I told her I’d put a word in. Also gave my farewells to Dom, and mentioned how much we would like to host him and Saisha again in New Orleans. He said that sounds like fun. I feel a mission taking shape, one to develop my practice community. Somebody’s gotta do it.
See you on the flipside, Owl. :)
Posted by: jlafitte · Feb 22, 04:52 PM · #
ps – went to LA Ballet last night with K, it was WONDERFUL. Three works by Balanchine, one premiere by a NY choreographer. There’s another performance tonight, 7:30 at the Freud theater, UCLA campus. Definitely catch it if you have the opportunity.
Posted by: jlafitte · Feb 23, 06:54 AM · #
From: http://www.livereal.com/spiritual_arena/spiritual_members/dharma_combat.htm
The Rules of Dharma Combat:
1. The first rule of Dharma Combat is, you do not talk about Dharma Combat.
2. The second rule of Dharma Combat is, hitting below the belt is allowed when appropriate.
3. The third rule of Dharma Combat is, it is possible to criticize a person, teaching, or offspring of one’s teaching while simultaneously respecting a person, teaching or offspring of one’s teaching.
4. The fourth rule of Dharma Combat is, the unenlightened, unawakened, and non-seeing are completely allowed to express their own judgements and opinions about enlightened, awakened, seeing, etc., when appropriate. If their observations and comments appear to have some genuine merit, they can be included in Dharma Combat. 5. The fifth rule of Dharma Combat is, there are no more rules for Dharma Combat.
Posted by: karen · Feb 23, 08:48 AM · #